


gone cold

by spanish (cantonese)



Category: AB6IX (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Flashbacks, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-10 09:42:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19499860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cantonese/pseuds/spanish
Summary: donghyun just wants youngmin to come back to his side.





	gone cold

waking up to the big and empty bed alone wasn't anything new to donghyun since the day youngmin left. he'd always reach his hand into a disappointing patch of emptiness next to him. the pillow that smelled like youngmin had already lost most of his scent.

mornings are much colder than he remembered, the sun shining in through the blinds didn't help him feel any warmer. donghyun brewed a whole pot of black coffee, only to realise youngmin wasn't there to drink his favorite. he used to dislike the bitter taste of black coffee, not even when youngmin sweetly coaxed him to drink. but now he felt like it didn't matter how bitter the drink was, his heart will always be more bitter than it.

donghyun needs youngmin in his life more than he lets on. on his first day of work after a long hiatus, he can't even do his necktie by himself so he just went with his first buttons parted like a messy internship interviewee. his colleagues, woong and woojin wanted to speak up about how he has been staring blankly at his computer for hours on end with tears in his eyes, but knowing what he had gone through held them back.

rides home are always silent nowadays. the radio's hip hop songs are becoming increasingly annoying but donghyun would rather listen to them than switching to the cd records that youngmin used to listen to. they'd blast the same songs over and over again and youngmin would rap for him. donghyun really misses youngmin.

nights when they cuddle on the couch or the bed and kiss became nights when donghyun curls up alone and sobs to the undying memories of the both of them when they were together. every piece of furniture and tile has its own story that involves youngmin, and it's haunting donghyun like ghosts every day.

the fridge reminds him of the times when they would buy groceries home and make a mess out of the kitchen, and that wouldn't matter because at the end of the day, there was food and they had each other. now donghyun hates the idea of going to get groceries alone, he hates that there won't be a big hand holding his while they walk home with big bags of groceries, and he especially hates it when he knows that there won't be anyone else who would jump in front of a knife for him as much as youngmin would.

donghyun stares off the balcony as he sat on the railing, warm coffee now gone cold a few inches from him. he watches at the waves hit the shore from where he stood, the sun slowly disappearing behind the horizon. he downs the remnants of the cold coffee and leaps off the railing to go back into the apartment.

the light salty breeze of the beach makes donghyun feel more refreshed than ever. for once in the period of eleven months, donghyun felt like he could finally breathe with how painful his nose were because of the cold air. the beach was empty due to the freezing winter temperature so he had a lot of shoreline to run along.

he suddenly remembers that day when they came house hunting. youngmin had said the apartment and beach reminded him of the beach back home in busan. he did note that it wasn't as pretty (that hometown-loving boy, tsk.) but he liked how their balcony looks out onto the beach. donghyun slows down his steps to a halt. he feels something warm on his cheeks and reaches to touch them, hands drawing back to show signs of wetness; he had unconciously cried.

donghyun sits close to the shoreline, staring blankly into the horizon, not even caring when his shoes were washed by the waves. and just for a moment, donghyun lets himself imagine that youngmin is still sitting there next to him, in the same position, his big hand resting casually on his smaller one with that big goofy smile of his. donghyun lets himself indulge in the imaginary youngmin who kissed him romantically before the sunset and sent warm tingles down his spine.

that night he went home, he'd cancelled his instant noodles dinner plan and went to bed, leaving half a jar of black, bitter and cold coffee on the kitchen counter. loud moans could be heard throughout the house due to the thin walls; donghyun spilled all over himself at the thought of youngmin.

and the next day, on the day of his own birthday, donghyun decided to stay in bed to cry to himself. today didn't only mark his birth, it also marked the death of his other half. his eyes were in pain by the time he was done crying. he really couldn't believe the angels had taken his love away for a whole year. and that he was somehow still physically alive without him.

donghyun walks out into the living room, only to find it all cleaned up neatly by his friends, woong and woojin. woong said something along the lines of remembering that he had the key above the window frame so they came to visit him since it's his birthday. but none of that went into donghyun's ears because all donghyun could hear was youngmin's soft voice in his ears.

_"dong-donghyunie, i-" the elder male paused to cough up blood, soiling his white hospital wear with blood. donghyun was by his side in a flitter, trembling hands wrapping themselves tightly around cold, bloodless hands. youngmin's family were on their way over, just at the junction in front of the hospital._

_"yes, hyung! i'm here. i'm here...! what is it?"_

_"i... i... i'm... sorry."_

_"no, don't be sorry. whatever it is i forgive you! so please stay with me. where's the_ goddamn doctor _?" donghyun wanted to stand up and yell at the doctors in the corridor. but was held back when youngmin weakly tugs on his wrist and shook his head with all his might._

_"don't... go."_

_"no, no, i won't. i'm here. i won't go. i will never leave you. i love you, hyung!"_

_"i... i love you... too, donghyunie." youngmin's eyes rolled back a few times, his lips losing its pink tint quickly as he breathed a few ragged breath._

_"no, hyung. please, god. please don't take youngmin-hyung away from me."_

_"i will... always be in... in... your heart."_

_"no, i want you here with me. that's the only wish i have!"_

_youngmin shook his head again, this time he was crying too._

_"please take care of... my family... that... includes you."_

_"no, hyung! wake up and take care of your family yourself!"_

_"please..."_

_"... okay, i will. i promise. i love you."_

_"i love you too."_

_"god, this is my only wish. please don't take youngmin-hyung away from me."_

_"i don't... think... your wish will come... true, donghyun-ah..." youngmin was coughing weakly now, but he was trying his best to smile at his boyfriend._

_"it's not funny."_

_after a moment of silence, with donghyun in a praying position and youngmin trembling slightly, the latter finally spoke up, his voice soft and quiet as if he's trying not to break the atmosphere._

_"h-happy birthday, my love."_

_donghyun contemplated whether to scold him for saying something so casual at an inappropriate time, but he couldn't bear with himself if he did. so he cried even more and nodded, diving down to press a kiss to the elder's chapped lips._

_"thanks, babe. i love you."_

_when youngmin's family arrived, everything went by in a flurry, and all donghyun could register was the kiss they shared before they were pulled apart to allow his family to come near him. there was longing in the older's eyes but donghyun couldn't stand looking at him more._

now donghyun regrets not looking back at youngmin bravely. who cares what his parents will think? so what if they're homophobic? donghyun collapses onto the floor and starts sobbing again, scaring the shit out of both woong and woojin.

his birthday was celebrated by himself at the cemetry with his late boyfriend. donghyun sat in front of his tomb and drowned himself in sorrow and soju. it was funny how he still hadn't forgotten about youngmin after a whole year. 

by the time he was found, donghyun had gone cold.

even when he died, he was still with youngmin.

**Author's Note:**

> idk this is terrible


End file.
